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BRUTALITY REPORT
DATE POSTED
WARNING! |
IN THIS WEEK'S ISSUE: |
| ► Meisterisms
Abound! ► Command Center For Sale! ► More Low Twelve Updates ► More Hot Chicks in Brutality Report XXX This Week |
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So what in my brutal CD player this week? |
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| 1. Mentors - You Axed For It (hilarious porn metal) | |||
| 2. Carcass - Heartwork (absolutely BRUTAL death metal) | |||
| 3. Bolt Thrower - Those Once Loyal (speaking of brutal death metal) | |||
So good to see you back in brutality once again my friends . . . it's been a busy week here as I get the Low Twelve Command Center ready for the big move next Saturday! It's going to be the Poser Disposal Service's finest "hour" when the Command Center is moved and no poser infiltration is detected. We have to be very careful, as since the inception of the Low Twelve Command Center in 1998, it's always been at the same location. Is that true? More on that later on in the report.
In addition, I've got some new Meisterisms to share with you that I'm sure will get you laughing your ass off! Also, more updates on the new Heavycore DVD "United In Metal" with song listings for each band that played the show. Plus, all that hot teen snatch you stand in the Brutality Report XXX with an extra grisly Skank of the Week to enjoy. Plus much more - so sink your teeth into it and drive the fuck on.
Posers should take this cue to hide under their bed, and don't mind the dildo you didn't know about hiding there. That's what your woman uses when she masturbates and thinks about the giant cocks of Low Twelve.
Now get on with it.
| COMMAND CENTER FOR SALE? |
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| If you can believe it . . .
yes! As I mentioned in the past couple reports, we'll be moving
the Low Twelve Command Center to a new location about 8 miles south of
where I am. But seriously, I've lived for the past twelve years
(wow - isn't that a strange coincidence) with my family and we're
finally going to be moving. It's a mobile home and it needs some
work for sure, but all we're asking for it is $2,000 (or best offer).
If anyone is interested in it - it's in the Meadows of Bloomington park
on the south end of Bloomington Illinois on route 51.
It's got two bedrooms, plus a family room that we've used as a bedroom for many years. It's got one full bathroom, a living room, kitchen, and even a real wood-burning fireplace. The furnace is a high efficiency Coleman that was installed new only a couple years ago. We're also going to leave the stove (which does work fine) and one of our sheds. It does need some work - the bathroom floor and tub are the main issues. But anyone who's good with that stuff, or knows friends who can help would have a good place to live for cheap. The lot rent here is $290 a month. Contact me if you're interested - pete@lowtwelve.com - live in the place that Low Twelve was formed, several recordings done, just about every Low Twelve song written, and nearly 500 brutality reports penned. For a Low Twelve fan, it would add a bit of unusual folklore to the purchase! Only serious inquiries please. |
SPECIAL NOTE . . . the only time the Low Twelve Command Center was moved temporarily was in June of 2003 when I was under extremely heavy poser infiltration and had to move it quickly to avoid serious problems. Fortunately, the situation was promptly resolved by the Poser Disposal Service and Mr. X - so I was able to move back in and continue my brutal propaganda.
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In December of 2002 I noticed someone
had been nosing around in the Command Center, and when I found a Pearl
Jam CD left behind - I was sure there was a poser among us! So I
set up cameras and caught the fucker in progress, then apprehended the
bastard and rehabilitated him! Check out the pic to the
left, as I caught him in the Command Center, and dragged him to a closet
where he was forced to listen to "Reign in Blood" exactly 666 times
before the rest of the posercism could be performed.
It was hysterical fun and I did it over a few weeks in the Brutality Report that year. So think about it if you're looking for a place to live in Bloomington - and want to do it cheaply . . . and throw in some good Low Twelve historical value, it's a hell of a deal. So contact me at pete@lowtwelve.com and I can give you more details - and arrange for you to come by and take a look at the place. |
| MORE MEISTERISMS . . . . |
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We've been getting a steady amount of fans sending in emails, or even people we know texting in ideas for new Meisterisms. It's been a lot of fun and as I've stated before, Meister has been a good sport about the whole nonsense! Check out a couple new ones I thought up, and if you would like to send in your ideas, please to at contact@lowtwelve.com or directly to the source at meister@lowtwelve.com We are going to do a spoof commercial for "Wheel of Meister" as a promotional piece for a new "game show" coming in 2009. It's going to be a pisser and I'm hoping I can convince Meister to actually host the spoof for the commercial. It's going to be a riot. What's fun with Meisterisms is one person come up with one, then the next one try to stay with the topic. For example, Low Twelve guitarist Dan Steinlicht and I were doing war movie Meisterisms. He started with "We Were Meisters" and I followed with "Saving Private Meister" and so on. It's a riot. Try it sometime - it's hilarious stuff. You can do it with just about anything. If you can match the word your replacing with Meister and it's two syllables also - or if it starts with an M - it's that much funnier. Have fun with it! |
- click here for more information on how to reach 10,000 metal heads each week with your ad!
- check out our xxx adults only section of the Brutality Report!
Guaranteed to make you jerk what you got!
| NEW HEAVYCORE UPDATES |
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| I've been editing down some
of the video that I shot at the Poser Roast 23 show and have come up
with some kick ass shit! The bands have been pleased so far with
the quality of the audio and video, and all they've seen is low
resolution windows media files that I can upload through the web site.
So, the finished product will kick complete ass! The "United In Metal" DVD will feature the following bands and live cuts from the show on August 1st and 2nd at Paulie's in Bloomington Illinois: Low Twelve - "Defiance to the
End", "Bodies in My Pocket" |
The "United In Metal" DVD will also feature some hilarious new commercials from the Poser Disposal Service, plus a new cologne called "Jerk It Like That", and the "Wheel of Meister" too. It's going to be a fucking riot . . . so don't miss out.
More details will be unveiled as they come
available . . . and I plan to have this DVD ready to release in November.
Fuck yeah!
| LOW TWELVE BEARING DOWN ON 250TH |
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| We have been working hard on
the new material for the next Low Twelve CD "Splatter Pattern", as well
as honing the live set for our upcoming 250th show in Chicago!
Mark that one down if you haven't already . . . Saturday Sept 25th at
the Red Line Tap in Chicago. Here are the details, so don't be a
bitch and not show up to this one! Saturday September 27th
Need directions? Click here for a map and links to get directions from wherever you want! |
Email us at contact@lowtwelve.com and we can give you a time and place to meet up with us in Bloomington before we roll to Chicago!
| DON'T FORGET ABOUT XXX! |
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| As you know, we've got lots
of hot chicks on the Brutality Report XXX page. But, that's only
for adults, so if that's not your thing, or you're not legal to check
that sort of thing out, then don't go there. But if you are - then you can see hot chicks like Sandra (pictured right) and many more, doing some nasty things. So why not check out lots of free picture and movie galleries where you can see sexy teens getting naked and performing acts that only adults can see. So click on the link below if you want to check out Brutality Report XXX and don't come whining to us if your cock gets sore from all the jerking - or if you're a female and that nub gets worn down. Enjoy the perversion! Happy jerkin'! |
subscribe to the Low Twelve Brutal Email List - it's free!
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"This Side Toward Enemy"
SCHEDULED LOW TWELVE BALL SLAPPINGS
Few can match the heaviness of Low Twelve live . . . . come see for yourself why soundmen all over the US have scratched their heads and asked "are you sure there are only three of you up there?". Come out and support some seriously brutal metal and get a tampon thrown in your face too. To book Low Twelve - email us at contact@lowtwelve.com
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Saturday September 27th
250th Low Twelve Show
at Metal Up Your Tap @ Redline Tap, 7006 N. Glenwood, Chicago Illinois
Rotting Corpse Records Showcase
9pm, 21 and older
with Whorrid, Ebonmortis, and Deadnight
Friday October 31st
Halloween Bash
at the Phoenix, 215 S. Neil St, Champaign Illinois
9pm, 19 and older
with bands to be announced
Saturday November 1st
at the Rossville VFW, Rossville Illinois
Hallowfest IV Show
8pm, all ages - 21 and older can drink with ID
with Stinkditch and bands to be announced
contact@lowtwelve.com for booking
| LINKS YOUR ASS SHOULD KNOW! | |||
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Heavycore - main site myspace online store Killer Karaoke - main site myspace Rotting Corpse Records - Blabbermouth - We See Dead People - Jeff Gaither - Mike Stoltz - Consumption Junction - Rotten.com - Phil Flash |
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Thanks for reading the Brutality Report . . . we hope you enjoyed your weekly brutalization. If you would like to be added to our email list to receive the link to this report each week then fill out our email form. It's that simple!
Brutal 24 Fuckin' 7,
Pete Altieri
pete@lowtwelve.com
