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BRUTALITY REPORT
DATE POSTED
WARNING! |
IN THIS WEEK'S ISSUE: |
| ► Poser Roast 23
Updates ► Meister and Dan Progress ► Oscar Meister ► More Hot Chicks in Brutality Report XXX This Week |
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So what in my brutal CD player this week? |
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| 1. Testament - The Formation of Damnation (brutal new thrash from Bay Area gods) | |||
| 2. Arsis - We Are the Nightmare (completely wicked technical death metal) | |||
| 3. Exodus - Shovel Headed Kill Machine (more Bay Area madness) | |||
So good to see you back in brutality once again my friends . . . it's been the usual hectic week in the Low Twelve Command Center as I spew more brutal propaganda upon the masses. The countdown continues to the first Low Twelve show with our two new axe masters . . . six weeks until the poser shredding will commence! We're pumped as hell to get this one under our belt and then continue the onslaught through the rest of 2008. Much more on the progress of Dan and Meister later on in the report.
Aside from the blood, sweat and brutality in Wes' basement where Low Twelve practices, we've got some more Meister madness for you, plus some more updates on the wicked Poser Roast 23 show coming in August, and the usual array of smoking hot sluts in the Brutality Report XXX, as well as a nice nasty skank in the Skank of the Week throne! Oh yeah - it's a nice and nasty one for you sick fuckers this week.
So what are you waiting for? You metal freaks know the deal and are likely on the edge of your computer chair, waiting for the buffet of brutalness to begin, while the posers of the planet are clutching tightly to their blankie and wanting their Mommy to come in and tell them it's going to be ok and there are no such thing as monsters in the closet. Well . . . guess what poser bitches? The monster is in your closet and his name is Low Fuckin' Twelve - and that monster is going to hold your Mom down on the floor, with her ass high in the ass, and his cock buried sack-deep in her loose ass. Oh yeah - your Dad will hear her screaming and will know the deal. He'll be glad it's not his asshole getting ravaged!
Now get on with it.
| OSCAR MEISTER |
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| Well, just because we're
brutal here doesn't mean we get points for being mature and cultured!
Ever since we unleashed with the Meister of Puppets, fans have been
sending in emails with new ideas to add to the pile.
If you don't know what I'm talking about - our new guitar player Meister, has been the butt of some funny joking because when checking my microphone one practice, I took his name and used it in place of other words in song titles. For example: Meister of Puppets, Rime of the Ancient Meister, Freemeister, and shit like that. Well - it has grown since then to use the word Meister in place of any other word in a tv show name, to brand names, and whatever. Our other guitar player, Dan, came up with the best one in my opinion - meisterbation. This week we pelted him verbally at practice once again, and I came up with Oscar Meister. I even went as far as to sing the theme song, replacing Mayer with Meister. It was good fun and Meister is a great sport about it. |
The fan who sends in the best take on this Meister Madness . . . wins a free copy of the latest Low Twelve CD "This Side Toward Enemy". So think up something funny and send it to me at contact@lowtwelve.com
Good luck you fuckers . . . now put the pipe down and go think up some funny shit! Deadline is Friday 6/27 - the winner will be announced in the next Brutality Report.
| POSER ROAST 23 PREVIEW |
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I've been telling you about the kick ass Poser Roast 23 show coming to our hometown of Bloomington Illinois! Don't miss that shit - it's going to tear the shit out of posers within a 666-mile radius. Come out to both nights - because the first night headliner will be Human Artifacts and they feature ex-members of Lividity as well as Deaden. So you know that's going to be wicked. As well as the fan favorite around here, Ocularis, who has a new bass player to show off and Where Dead Men Walk - who I've heard nothing but good things about! The second night will feature Low Twelve headlining, since Hurtlocker had to back out of the show. This will be our first show with Meister and Dan - so you know the house will be full of fuckers wanting to see what we sound like now. On top of that you've got Vesicant, the crazy bastards from Chicago who love to drink lots of beer and get nuts. Plus the death metal sounds of In the Wake of the Butcher, who have a new CD our and ready to pick up! Check out the links here for the bands playing, so you can check their myspace pages out and listen to some tunes!
Human
Artifacts See your asses in the pit for this great two-night blowout! |
- click here for more information on how to reach 10,000 metal heads each week with your ad!
- check out our xxx adults only section of the Brutality Report!
Guaranteed to make you jerk what you got!
| METAL ALLIES JOIN FORCES! |
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| I was recently contacted by
Dave Ingram of Metal Breakfast Radio from the UK - about teaming up with
me in Heavycore to spread his brutal message to fans of my radio show,
the Heavycore Chopping Block Show. Some of you may know the name
Dave Ingram from his past work singing for Bolt Thrower, as well as
Benediction and Downlord. His brutal deathly growls are known the
world over and now he's involved with this kick ass radio show Metal
Breakfast Radio. Check out the official site for the show here. Dave will be putting up some banners for the Chopping Block Show on his page, and we'll be doing the same on ours. We'll also be putting promos on each others shows . . . check out one of the one's Dave sent me to use for plugging his show on the Chopping Block Show. So check them out now and support the metal madness!
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I'm also going to be doing an interview with Dave Ingram in a Brutality Report soon - so watch out for that. Also - check out the latest edition of the Heavycore Chopping Block Show by clicking on the graphic below . . . unless your make-up is running and you're out of douches for your lame ass.
| LOW TWELVE UPDATE |
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| We've been busting ass to
get things ready for the first show at Poser Roast 23 on Saturday 8/2 at
Paulie's - Bloomington Illinois. Dan and Meister are both pumped,
and me and Wes are ready to show off our new dual guitar assault. Things are moving along great - yesterday we spent hours going through the songs they know, and also got "Crawlspace" into the lineup. Of course we couldn't forget that one. We also have two more from the older songs to add - but I'll keep those a surprise. Crazy Mike and Mike "Sexy Bearded Handy Man" Stoltz stopped by practice and were impressed at how things sound with Dan and Meister. They really dug "Bodies in My Pocket" and "Scourge", but were into the rest as well. I'm pleased, and I know Wes is too. Dan and I will be getting together on Tuesday night to do some one-on-one brutal education on the songs, and Meister may also come by and help out. Whatever we need to do to get things as brutal as humanly possible . . . we'll do it. |
| DON'T FORGET ABOUT XXX! |
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| As you know, we've got lots
of hot chicks on the Brutality Report XXX page. But, that's only
for adults, so if that's not your thing, or you're not legal to check
that sort of thing out, then don't go there. But if you are - then you can see hot chicks like Taylor (pictured right) and many more, doing some nasty things. So why not check out lots of free picture and movie galleries where you can see sexy teens getting naked and performing acts that only adults can see. So click on the link below if you want to check out Brutality Report XXX and don't come whining to us if your cock gets sore from all the jerking - or if you're a female and that nub gets worn down. Enjoy the perversion! Happy jerkin'! |
subscribe to the Low Twelve Brutal Email List - it's free!
order
the latest Low Twelve CD
"This Side Toward Enemy"
SCHEDULED LOW TWELVE BALL SLAPPINGS
Few can match the heaviness of Low Twelve live . . . . come see for yourself why soundmen all over the US have scratched their heads and asked "are you sure there are only three of you up there?". Come out and support some seriously brutal metal and get a tampon thrown in your face too. To book Low Twelve - email us at contact@lowtwelve.com
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Saturday August 2nd
at Paulie's, 612 N. Main Street, Bloomington Illinois
9pm, 21 and older
Poser Roast 23 with In the Wake of the Butcher and Vesicant
(more bands playing Fri 8/1 for Poser Roast 23)
Saturday August 16th
at venue to be announced
9pm, 19 and older
with Buried in Black and What Thou Will
Saturday September 27th
at Metal Up Your Tap, Chicago Illinois
Rotting Corpse Records Showcase
details pending
with Whorrid, Ebonmortis, and Deadnight
Friday October
31st
at venue to be announced
Special Halloween Show
9pm, 19 and older
with bands to be announced
Saturday November 1st
at the Rossville VFW, Rossville Illinois
Hallowfest IV Show
8pm, all ages - 21 and older can drink with ID
with Stinkditch and bands to be announced
contact@lowtwelve.com for booking
| LINKS YOUR ASS SHOULD KNOW! | |||
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Heavycore - main site myspace online store Killer Karaoke - main site myspace Rotting Corpse Records - Blabbermouth - We See Dead People - Jeff Gaither - Mike Stoltz - Consumption Junction - Rotten.com - Phil Flash |
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Thanks for reading the Brutality Report . . . we hope you enjoyed your weekly brutalization. If you would like to be added to our email list to receive the link to this report each week then fill out our email form. It's that simple!
Brutal 24 Fuckin' 7,
Pete Altieri
pete@lowtwelve.com
