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BRUTALITY REPORT
DATE POSTED
WARNING! |
IN THIS WEEK'S ISSUE: |
| ► Low Twelve to
open for GWAR in October ► First-ever wedding reception brutality (with titty shot) ► September Chopping Block Show in the works ► Hot Next Door Nikki galleries and much more |
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So what in my brutal CD player this week? |
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| 1. Sacred Oath - Darkness Visible (hey, I'm a little bias here) | |||
| 2. Cannibal Corpse - Live Cannibalism (brutal live death metal) | |||
| 3. Testament - Demonic (fucking brutal Bay area thrash/death) | |||
So good to see you back in brutality once again my friends . . . it's a good day for sure as we got some kick ass news on Friday that we were chosen to open for GWAR at the Canopy Club in Urbana Illinois. Fuck yeah! The last time they played at the Canopy Club (on a Tues) there were 1,150 people there! So we're expecting one hell of a brutal turn out to see the show. Much more on that later in the report!
In addition to the killer GWAR news, we tore it up at the Waterman wedding reception on Friday night. It was a first experience for Low Twelve - playing at a wedding reception. But, when two metal freaks get married - why the fuck not? Crazy Mike even managed to get a titty shot if you can believe that. Make sure you read on for all the nipple-baring details. Also Testament signed a deal with Nuclear Blast and with that comes a Heavycore membership, since the label has asked for all their bands to become part of Heavycore! Hell yeah - that's one of our all-time favorite metal bands. It's a honor to have them among us. To celebrate this event, I'm spinning some Testament in the upcoming September edition of the Heavycore Chopping Block Show. So read on for the details, plus the usual hot naked chicks, and so much fucking more!
So you metal freaks . . . are you ready for the weekly pummeling? Are you ready for me to smack you in the face? Well - you know you are! All you posers out there who read this because you can't figure out why your woman fingers herself when she reads it. It's because hearing about a real metal band turns her on, and because you're a weak ass poser bitch - your little flaccid flap of flesh is worthless.
Now get on with it.
| LOW TWELVE TO OPEN FOR GWAR IN OCTOBER |
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| I got the call early on
Friday morning about this show! I didn't know about it yet, but
was told that we were in the running for the last opening slot for this
show at the Canopy Club in Urbana Illinois. At about noon, I got
the final call that said we were confirmed to do it. I was stoked,
since they told me that the last time GWAR played the Canopy, there were
1,150 people in attendance. Fuckin' A. We'll also be sharing the stage with Heavycore brothers Human Artifacts. Big thanks to Matt Bishop, GWAR's management, and everyone at the Canopy Club for letting us in on this one. We really appreciate the chance and we'll be sure to do Central Illinois proud and tear the place a new ass! For more information or to get tickets ($18 each) go to www.canopyclub.com - don't miss out on this kick ass event! Wednesday October 24th Check out a live GWAR video from Metal Mike's video! Go to www.gwar.net for more on the band. |
| SEPTEMBER CHOPPING BLOCK SHOW IN THE WORKS | |
| I've been getting stuff
together for the September edition of my hour-long monthly radio show -
the Heavycore Chopping Block. It's a brutal excursion into utter
nastiness! Check out the link to the right to listen to the August
show in streaming mp3 format. This next show I'll be spinning tunes from Testament, SOD, Retribution, Jungle Rot, Malicious Damange, Carcass, Chainsaw Homicide, Bolt Thrower, and will be playing the full mixed down version of Low Twelve's "Not Forgotten" for you to check out! Fuck yeah, I'll be spinning many more . . . If you want to run a 30 or 60 second ad on the show - time is running short. Contact me ASAP for that at join@heavycore.org - the 30 second ads are only $15 and the 60's are $25. I'll even do the ad for you if you want for no extra charge! So if you're in a band, run a radio show or zine, or what the fuck ever - run an ad on a show listened to by thousands of metal maniacs every month. Support the cause . . . I need to hear from you by Monday 8/27 if you want to run an ad. Posers can fucking die! |
| BENEFIT FOR COLE |
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| We have been getting a lot
of email about when they're doing a benefit for Craig Cole. As far
as I know, they're working on doing one this coming Friday August 31st
in Pontiac Illinois. Right now I don't know any more than that.
I do know that the bands that will be playing - Low Twelve, Ocularis,
Killborn, and The Wake of the Butcher.
They are trying to do an all ages show, so that's been the problem finding a location to do the show that won't restrict it to a 21 and older. An outside type venue - a Pontiac party (holy shit - those are nuts) is what they're trying to do. If you're interested in coming to the show - email me at contact@lowtwelve.com and I can email you once we know for sure where it is and all the details. Jenny Cremer is doing her best to put things together, but she's had some health issues and with Craig passing away - it's been hard on her. So please be patient and hang in . . . we're also wanting to know when it is so we can plan accordingly! |
- click here for more information on how to reach 10,000 metal heads each week with your ad!
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So you want to try something new in the
bedroom? How about trying to SEAL THE ENVELOPE? When hooking up with a really drunk girl and she passes out before you cum, turn her over and blow your load all over her ass crack. When it dries, it will seal her butt cheeks together and she will have to pry them open the next day - hence, "Sealing the Envelope". This one sounds like fun . . . so be sure to send us a pic of the event if you try it. Send it to us at contact@lowtwelve.com Have fun sealing that envelope! |
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| THOSE HOT SLUTS NEXT DOOR |
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| So you fuckers love to see
chicks getting naked? Well, you've cum to the right place.
In this column each week we feature a different hot chick, although Next
Door Nikki seems to dominate our reports each week. She's hot as
hell and it's no wonder her webmaster sends her galleries to us nearly
every week! While you're checking out these galleries, feel free to take the site visits. They're usually free and you can see more than just a few pics. Some of them feature videos and more. If you join up as a member, you get to see all the galleries and some of them include some seriously wicked stuff! Often times you can chat with the girls and mail in stuff for them to wear for future photo shoots. How about that? Check out these galleries we're featuring this week and don't worry about it. I won't tell on you. Promise! Just don't blame us if you get in trouble at home or school . . . or like one poor Twelve Head - he got fired from work for looking at porn. Use some fucking common sense . . . grab that box of tissues and get to spankin! http://meganqt.com/hosted/gal/mqt_0363/897650 http://megan-summers.com/hosted/gal/ms_0079/897650 |
| UPCOMING CHAMPAIGN SHOWS |
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| Don't miss these two wicked
shows coming up for the Champaign/Urbana area! See your asses in
the pit! Saturday September 1st Saturday September 8th |
| A VERY BRUTAL WEDDING RECEPTION |
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| We were asked to play at the
wedding reception of Travis and Allie Waterman in rural Colfax Illinois
on Friday. It was a pleasure, since we have known both of them for
years. Travis used to play bass in The Breed of Sedition and then
later in Human Hatemachine. Now he plays drums for Killborn - who
also played on Friday night.
The reception was in an American Legion Hall in downtown Colfax and I still can't believe they didn't send the cops down to break things up. We had a small, but wicked pit going for most of the night. It was a lot of fun. For Low Twelve, it was a first - playing at a wedding reception. But we enjoyed it and were happy to throw down in celebration of Travis and Allie! It was good to see some of our friends there from other bands like Big Mike Collier of Ocularis, Bonesaw of Chainsaw Homicide, and more. It was one of the more uncommon places you'd expect to hear some sack-singing metal! |
Crazy Mike was there too of course, with camera in hand. He took some good pics and managed somehow to catch a chick baring her nipple! Hell yeah Crazy Mike! One thing to note is that Killborn is looking for a bass player, but played anyway. They were very wicked - definitely keep your eyes open for them hitting the local circuit. These dudes tore it up!
Killborn
Big Mike Collier - being Big Mike Collier
mini-pit going on - check out Wes on the right!
this chick is joining the Army soon - fuck yeah!
Les - Low Twelve
yeah - that's me screaming like a maniac
Wes - Low Twelve
girls gone wild
ooops - nipple slippage!
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| ORDER A NEW LOW TWELVE SHIRT |
|
| Order one of these brutal
new shirts! See the back design below. They're only $15 each
plus $2 shipping. If you want 2x, those are $18 plus $2 shipping.
We have them in medium, large, x-large and 2x. Send cash or money
orders payable to Pete Altieri to:
Low Twelve Command Center Outside the US, please send $6 shipping per shirt. If you want to pay by PAYPAL, then send it to us at contact@lowtwelve.com and make sure you specify your size!
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order
the latest Low Twelve CD
"This Side Toward Enemy"
SCHEDULED LOW TWELVE BALL SLAPPINGS
Few can match the heaviness of Low Twelve live . . . . come see for yourself why soundmen all over the US have scratched their heads and asked "are you sure there are only three of you up there?". Come out and support some seriously brutal metal and get a tampon thrown in your face too. To book Low Twelve - email us at contact@lowtwelve.com
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Saturday September 1st
Illusions
207 W. Clark St,
Champaign Illinois
with Become the Beast and Slow Intentional Damage
9pm, 21 and older
Saturday September 8th
Chiefs
Champaign Illinois
Poser Roast 22
with Heavy-Handed, Southview, Butt Ugly,
Become the Beast, and Skeptk
9pm, 21 and older
Saturday September 29th
Eastside Tavern
Broadway Street, Columbia Missouri
with 3 Headed Moses and Head On Collision
10pm, 21 and older
Wednesday October 24th
Canopy Club
708 S. Goodwin Ave, Urbana Illinois
with GWAR and Human Artifacts
7pm, 18 and older
order tickets now at
www.canopyclub.com
Saturday October 27th
Hallowfest III - Lions Club Pavilion
200 N. North Bulldog Road, Wellington Illinois
with Stinkditch, Sex Creep, and more
8pm, all ages (21 and older byob - no glass)
contact@lowtwelve.com for booking
| LINKS YOUR ASS SHOULD KNOW! | |||
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Heavycore - main site myspace online store Killer Karaoke - main site myspace Rotting Corpse Records - Blabbermouth - We See Dead People - Jeff Gaither - Mike Stoltz - Consumption Junction - Rotten.com - Phil Flash |
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Thanks for reading the Brutality Report . . . we hope you enjoyed your weekly brutalization. If you would like to be added to our email list to receive the link to this report each week then fill out our email form. It's that simple!
Brutal 24 Fuckin' 7,
Pete Altieri
pete@lowtwelve.com
